Am I Unfit?!

Okay, I am a mommy. I am a boss. I have the four of them in a specific rotation that I am very keen to keep in an organized spiral of chaos. LOL yes, I said that! I am a professional at sniffing the dirty clothes out from the clean, I can identify fifteen different shades of brown, (without tasting and MINIMAL sniffing), I can change a child's soiled clothing in under three minutes, I have been known to walk into a department store, WITH a dirty child, make a purchase and in under twenty minutes have a seemingly brand new, clean kid (in a coordinated ensemble)! Basically, I got this MOMMY thing down to a science!

Soooooooo.....why am I asking if I am unfit? Well, allow me to elaborate. Three days ago (09-16-2015) I was arrested. OMG----yes, I was arrested! For? Something from FIFTEEN years ago when I was in college at Michigan State University. There was a bench warrant out for my arrest for Failure to Appear. I was being charged with supposedly absconding with a former roommate's long distance pin. Either way, I was on my way to my mother's home (my childhood home) in Michigan and I got pulled over for speeding. I was completely unaware of anything occurring other than the issuance of a citation...but, I was then informed that I had an outstanding warrant and was going to be taken into custody.

Needless to say, I was devastated! I had plans to grill with my mom and have a few cocktails and ENJOY my day as the minions were all in school! LOL okay, that was not the only reason I was upset. I was truly upset because I am a MOMMY! My babies were all at school, they had no idea what was happening to me, I had no way of reaching them, and I KNEW I had nobody to be there for them while I was gone. However, as I was dealing with my impending incarceration, and the details that went along with it, my mother was at home forming her own opinions...

I was gone for a total of twenty four hours and at the end of my ordeal, as I am heading back home I hear the messages that my mother was leaving on my best friend's voicemail...things like I "shouldn't have been let out," and  I "haven't learned sh*t." LOL (Like I was caught in a public bathroom smoking crack and THAT was what i got arrested for. OR Even like I have had an extensive criminal background...like I had been in and out of Juvenile, and in and out of County all my life) (btw it took me 16 years to get my first SPEEDING TICKET!) Then, I was informed by her that my mother has designs to take my kids from me because I am not doing my job basically.

 Now, I am and have been a single mother since I was 21. I have been the ONLY person who has ever taken care of my children, with the exception of two instances I called DCS (Department of Child Services) in an attempt to provide more stability and security than I could at the time.They were then placed in Relative Care (not with her fyi) (for the period of time that it took to prove I was not crazy for doing what I did [calling DCS], and getting back on my feet.) I was looked at as if I were crazy by the state, the children's absentee parent's families. I underwent psychiatric evals, and the like...all to be found a stressed out, single mommy with no resources, screaming for help.

However, now I am trying to figure out how in 24 hours, my mom went from my number one fan, and numero uno girlfriend to hang with, to Private Enemy #1!!

No, I'm not perfect. I am possibly the most perfectly imperfect example of motherhood there is. But, I own my shortcomings. Allow me to list them!

 these are my infractions: 

I yell, Yes. I threaten. Yes. I spank. Yes. I feed them. Yes. I clean up after them, and for them. Yes. I make sure they see doctors and dentists. Yes. I assist in and encourage their academic pursuits? Yes! I see to it that they know they are loved, and supported and feel safe. Yes. Do I get frustrated sometimes? YES! But, I have never and will never put my own selfish needs before those of my children, or put their well being after some fly by night whim in my life.

I'm sorry if I am wrong for doing those things and a host more as a mom. I am sorry I am not more Mary Poppins like. I apologize for the occasional swears, the days without vegetables, the nights they didn't brush, and perhaps wore clothes two days in a row back to back.(Don't judge lol) I'm a human being doing the best to raise the remarkable human beings I was given the duty to make into the best people they can become!